Tuesday, February 9, 2010

A DAY WITH HER

      He had asked for her  to set aside a day.  Nothing planned, but something he could do on the fly, and have it feel as though he put all the thought into the world in order for her to feel it for everything she meant to him  and nothing less. Not because he could exact a payment from it or an expectation. Just for her because of who she was from him because he felt it.
     She drove her car out to the parking lot where he asked her to meet him. A small note had been attached to the antenna of her car with a small black and red ribbon  "Bring nothing but you, my love.  I'll make sure I have what you need."
     She jumped into the car and as she slid into the passenger seat she was met with the warm smile that always jumps across his face at the sight of her. "Does she notice it as much as I feel it" he thought to himself.  He had already stopped to get her a cup of coffee. He leaned over to kiss her and hold your hand,both of them taking in the smell of the other.  She always had the unique way of completely overpowering him with the closeness of herself, and to feel the mood of his car change from hard and utilitarian, into a cozy nest with only her, was a wonderful feeling. He was very aware of it like no one else could, and associated the feeling with so many other places within his mind as much as he did her presence in the car. Complete and total.

     She tilted the seat back and quietly sipped her coffee as he drove from the lot and out onto the first of small country roads.  The sun shone in through the window and he enjoyed seeing her with her hands wrapped around the paper cup, the steam curling off the lid as she  looked outside.
     They  didn't need to say anything just yet.  It is that time when it is simply enough just to be together.  To know that the majority of the effort has already been returned by the happy calm that comes merely from the company of the other.  She sipped her coffee and let her eyes wander out  over the wide fields as they rushed by. Long, thin ribbons of inch deep snow are all that remain of the winter deep beneath the trees and along the shadowed edges of the rocks.  The faint hint of green grass already peeked out of the bare ground beneath.  The flowers along the fronts of the occasional farm house telling them that despite the cold wind outside, that Spring was here.  Soon every rolling hill would be covered in tall green grass and the roadside would burst with color from flowers. Some places more than others. He inwardly smiled at the bags of wild flower seeds he had spread in the Fall where she usually walked.  She didn't know it yet, but she would.
     He turned the radio up and put a CD in he had made for her.  Nothing special, but something to let her feel Spring the way he would have liked her to hear it as much as see.  She smiled again at the thought that the song she  listened to did just that. She slipped off her shoes to lean the seat back.  Looking over at him and reaching out to run her hand along the side of his neck and then up on to hi shoulder.  Her way of saying 'thank you' for what it is she sees and feels, and hears, but mostly because of what she knows of him without either one having to say a word.
     The car weaved around and over one long hill to another.  The clean black pavement slowly stretching out before them and leading down into small valleys where rivers of cold snow melt rushed over the rocks.  Huge torrents of water churning downriver. 
     They stopped for just a moment on one of the bridges so she could unroll the window and listen to the sound of the water as it rushed past the pilings underneath.  Down on the water line, a group of deer poked and nosed through the short sprouting grass.  One raised its head at the sight of the truck and wiggled it's ears at her.  She smiled,knowing it had nothing to do with her, but felt the happiness of  wild animals close enough to pretend so.
     Driving with her was so much fun for him.  Much like anything else they did together.  Not because anything unbelievable would or should occur, but because of the reality of the opposite.  That the simple act of driving in a car next to someone who makes the journey worth it, is a reward so very often not recognized for its worth by someone who sees it as nothing more than the time spent between here and there. A simple task of necessity.
     WThey drove along one road and then to another, with no particular destination in mind as far as she knew.  But he knew better, and had planned her lunch on a small field next to the river not far from here.  The trees overhead were  just beginning to open their leaves as they traveled alongside the river.  They talk quietly about nothing in particular and it makes him happy to see her feet on the dashboard working and knitting against each other.  A sure sign that she is happy and content at the moment. Safety is felt on the insides of her as easily as socks rub against her soul.
     She is so very loved for all that she is and all that she brings out in him.  Not because of what she ison the outside, but because of who she is much deeper than anyone really cares to look. Even herself.  Because when everything is said and done, he goes  to bed each night with that unbelievable feeling of happiness that he is  in love. And not because she had to do anything other than be who she is to him. She is adored for the simplest things that she,herself, would not think could ever be enough to cause this feeling in anyone else.  But they do, and because they can, require her to do nothing but be the love of his life, for nothing more than being the love of his life.  So simple. Sometimes, it is tragic to think that something so deep should be so much more complicated in order for it to mean more.  It is the opposite. It is the simplicity that gives unfathomable depth to it in a way that can not be explained to anyone except by the feeling of it. Like explaing sight to a blind man.
     He pulled the car into the small parking area off the road.  He had  packed them a lunch early this morning and put it into the back of the car along with three blankets and a pillow.  We spread out the blanket and take out lunch and a small bottle of wine.  The high rocks on the other side of the river blocked the breeze and the warm sun poured over and into the blankets as you pull off your sweatshirt and lay down on the blanket.  She leaned up with one arm tucked underneath her to support herself as he  took out the fruit and cheese and bread.  Nothing very special, but just enough to give them time to be together.  He lay down next to her and kissed her softly.  His hands on her shoulders feeling the warmth of the sun against the softness of her skin.
     He loved kissing her.  That electric spark that he could not fight and didn't ever want to.  The feeling that when he parted his lips to accept her tongue into his mouth that there was no surer sign that she was the love of his life.  Let them talk and pretend and deny to the high edges of heaven about whether they should or not, but when his lips touch hers, he KNOWS that she is the one for whom his heart beats in his chest.
     He can not help but be aroused when he is near her.  He found it funny and often joked, and was just as likely to pretend he didn't notice  as much as she did to rub against him as if she didn't know it.  It is a comfort to the both of them to know that they are both aroused for themselves, and that they awaken the thoughts of it in the other.  It is a desire fueled even more by the fact that it isn't necessary to show their love, but  made all that more special by the knowledge of it.  She kissed him slowly and her hand pulled his shirt up to run her hand up his warm muscled back.  The feeling of herr fingertips on  bare skin causing him to gently push his hips against her. 
     When he is aroused next to her, she became so much more than a mere body.  It is the feel of her hair against his face as he kissed her neck.  It is the smell of her and the combination of soft skin over muscle.  Most of all it is the feeling of release within her.  That slow inexorable unwinding.  Like a coiled spring that suddenly releases underneath him.  Those soft warm playful eyes that suddenly transform into deep dark pools of desire and sexuality.  He looked into those eyes when they are like this, in love, and he can see all the way to forever, back when he first loved her....a thousand years ago....and up on through the end of every life they will spend as her love.
     It isn't uncommon for him to feel this way more than her, but it is one of his most favorite things to see her lose herself in the moment and go where even he didn't expect. The place where he knows she exists as a more complete and radiant person. So much more than the sum of insignificant parts others see and can't possibly comprehend.
      She softly tells him that there hasn't been a single car to pass by and did notice that they can't see the road.  he leaned his head up to look and she took the opportunity to pull  her sweatshirt up over her head and lay back next to him.  As though the opportunity exists that someone might see but that she trusted him enough to have found a spot where they wouldn't be bothered and snuggled her naked body closer to him as if to say that the possibility still existed but she didn't quite care anymore.
     He had made love to her a hundred different times and in too many places to count, but every one was different except for how he felt when he was  inside of her.  Her body curled around him and accepting him within herself.  Allowing herself to be out of control and accepting that she  was utterly safe as she did.  Her body undulating underneath him as she allowed him to part her thighs to push her open  and inside of her.  The soft mewling pleasure giving way to more forceful and needed release.  Her hands pulling him in and out of her until the slow rhythmic pleasure welled up inside of her and her body shuddered and contracted around him pulling him over the edge to dissolve into her.
     She no longer needed to tell him to hold her as she did.  It needed only to be total and complete and have as much of him against her.  He needed to hold her as much as she needed to be held, and nothing gave him more pleasure than to know that his desire to be loved by her resulted in the feeling that washes over her.  It is a full return of her own worth.  A realization of what she herself give to him.  It isn't a simple act to satisfy momentary urges.  It is physical proof of the absolute love within him.
     They napped quietly in the sun letting the warm sun drift them off to sleep.  He cradled her face against him and felt her long smooth legs against the length of him.  And those soft little feet, knitting together by his ankles.  She drifted off to sleep and he listened to her breathe against his shoulder.  Her heart beating against him and feeling the gentle pulse of her wrist around his neck.
     The sun had tilted only slightly in the sky.  Far less time than it felt for such a comforting sleep.  It was as though they had spent the entire evening entwined within each other and got to enjoy the feeling of waking up in the arms of the person who loved you enough to have it occur without a moment wondering whether it was worth it. All in the span of an hour.
     On the way back he found a different road so that every mile was a way forward rather than back.  She mentioned  that she had the munchies and he tells her that there are Wasabi peas in the glove-box.  On top of the peas was a small card.
     She took the card out of the envelope and looked at the front cover.  Its was a small card with a  winding road on it next to a stand of trees and a small bridge. a little farmhouse with flowers planted out front. He  bought it a week before and thought that it would be a nice thing to do. He wrote on the inside of the card for her.


" I wanted to find a way to tell you 'thank you' for a wonderful day.  Not in the beginning of the day, because that would be presumptuous.  And not at the end because that would be expected and would lose the importance.  I wanted it to be right in the middle of our journey where it would mean the most.  Where it would be most meaningful by telling you that all that has happened so far has been a joy to my heart and that the world is so much more wonderful with you in it to share.  I wanted it in the middle, right next to something as trivial as a can of peas, to remind you that I haven't stopped noticing who you are to me. Even for a second.  Everything I do in my life is made more full with you in it. What I do, should always have you knowing that it is done for you because of who you are, and not because of what I could gain from it."

   Sometimes He could tell that what he had written, was exactly what she needed to hear without him having to say anything.  She often got that wonder and awe at what he says, and,  for as much as she wanted and needed to believe it, she would send what is seen or felt of him into her past experiences to see if they rang true.  Experience was her most callous critic, and she had become accustomed to being let down.  She was always afraid of it, and hoped sometimes that when  it came time to quantify it, and it returned to the surface of her mind,it would have something attached to it that  would reveal what he had done as flawed or untrue.  But when it traveled that deep inside of her and came back clean, with no doubts hanging from it, a feeling of relief washed over her. He was exactly what he said he was. Not because she asked or expected it, but because she did neither and it came anyway.  When mere words came back as fact, and what he did could be shown as real.  These are the times where, in small consistent ways, he made the most progress.  That she came to see him as exactly what she wished for and needed, and amazed that it is was close to perfect as she could have ever dreamed.  When wishes and dreams come that close to the person that needs to give it to you, fate intervenes, and puts those two people together regardless of the adversity. It is an unerring collision of need combined with the desire to accomplish it for what it means to both.
     He pulled the car back up to the lot and kissed her one more time. He  tells her that he loves her, and reminds her that his wish is for nothing more than to have the entire world know that she is loved, but that it is worth more to him to have her comfortable knowing that fact is safe within him.
      She climbed into your car, and he wondered to himself if she knew how hard he tried to keep sight of her as she drive away.  As though even the side of her head was worth more to him than simply driving away without it.  He had been in places where he had watched her taillights fade to almost nothing sometimes.  Just two tiny red specks on a dark horizon. And still....it was enough to keep him looking for just one second more.
     he would crawl himself into bed and surround himself with the thought and the smell of her.  He would will let her run through his thoughts and my dreams because when she is there he did not feel afraid. He did not feel scared, he felt loved, and he knew it was what he needed more than anything else in the world.
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