PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA

So I've decided that regardless of where my relationships have gone, or not gone, that I really need to stop listening to many of you. Especially with regards to that pathetic catch-all phrase "There are plenty of fish in the sea". Trust me people. There may be plenty of fish, but you don't go fishing with a bicycle seat and a half eaten waffle and expect to catch JACK SHIT! If you think you can, you don't know spit about relationship,or fish, or waffles or bicycle seats for that matter. In any case, I have taken a good look at what I had in past relationships, and know that I will no longer live with vague approaches at happiness. I bring everything I am to the person I love and what they get as a result should be appreciated more than what I am living with here and now. And that's not selfish or greedy. I do live with ideals of loyalty and love, but I do not love people for their version of it. I love the people who epitomize it in themselves and display it in their lives. Not for one person or another, but for everyone.
My friends, God bless them, are trying to help, but there isn't any. There is no one I wish to give it to who doesn't already understand the extent of it, and there is no one I could even attempt it with, save her. So what to do? What you do is sit, and wait, and hope that it will suddenly hit like an epiphany.
In the meantime I am assaulted with the small comforts, but the one I HATE is that ridiculous "there are other fish in the sea" I am in a pretty good mood in spite of the train wreck that has become my life as of late, so I decided to lay out a few snippets of my VAST fishing knowledge to the people who seem to think that the loves of our lives are so much like herring. Let's say that I have finally come to the realization that I am going to date again. I have fantastic qualities that need to be given to another person in order for me to feel truly happy. I am in good shape, well mannered, compassionate, I work hard to fulfill the needs of the woman I love. Why not? Let's just drop the mooring line, put on the ridiculous rain slicker, and head out into that glorious sea of willing fish just DYING to be filled with the love I have to offer.
So let's take a look at a few basic requirements for the people that I want to date. I am looking for a serious relationship, so I am not going to be extremely unreasonable, but, then again, I am not going to deceive myself by settling for someone who simply doesn't have that chemistry that makes me feel that certain way when I look at them. I am looking for a white woman between the ages of 35 and 50. I prefer taller, slim to athletic, people. Obviously because of the preference for athleticism, I am not sexually attracted to people who are overweight, nor do I find their lack of desire to be physically fit very attractive. A certain amount of education is required, but it doesn't have to be in any one field. Just something that gives an overall social rounding. Let's say above high school but no need to go past a BA degree. Now mind you, this is simply a rough break down.
Currently, in the United States, there are 300 million people. That's every man, woman, and child regardless of race or ethnicity, social status, or any other criteria. That's just the base number. Since I obviously am looking for a female, and they are at 50% of the population, I now have 150 million to work with.
I don't find anything wrong with people of different races, but, by and large, the cultural and ethnic differences that usually come with race are enough to make me prefer white women. They make up 80% of the population which means that the number of white female Americans is 120 million. Still not too bad. Down by more than half, but I am an optimistic soul. Remember that when you get to your criteria for the men you wish to date.
I spend a great deal of time ensuring that the body a woman looks at is maintained in a way they find appealing. I make very sure that I do not get lazy enough to gain weight and at the same time, not bulge all over with useless muscle that looks good but is usually useless. Currently 68% of America is overweight or obese. Overweight is less than thirty pounds past your target weight for your age. So, since I can not see an overweight person as attractive, nor see myself with a person who doesn't care to make it look better for themselves or others, I get to take off that 68% leaving me with 8,160,000 people.
I am not seriously concerned with age, but with age comes a great deal of compatibility. People of relative age share common characteristics and beliefs as others within that group. Now just to be fair, I am going to allow ALL ages from 18 to 65. We both know that I would not be able to deal with the views of a twenty year old, but just for mathematical stability, let's keep them in here.
Americans below the age of eighteen and above the age of 65 comprise 37% of the country's population. Subtract that from 8,160,000 and I get 5,140,000. Now I have to be a little vague here, but let's say that , just for the sake of argument that half of these people were the type that I would like to date regardless of whether they are married or not. That drops the number to 2,070,000. Now I know that I am pretty picky, but no matter who I have found attractive, only 1 in 10 feel the same way. That's 10%. and 10% of those women regardless of whether they are married is 207,000 people. Okay, let's recap a bit. We are now looking at the number of white American women who are not overweight and are between 18 and 65.
Now remember that these 207,000 women are still potentially married. It has been said that 62% of American women are happily married. That number is PATHETICALLY small and any man who has fucked up this much seriously needs to be left to his own devices, but that's not my problem. Let's just leave the "happily" married ones alone and make the new datable number at 78,660.
Just to make my stomach crawl, this is now less than one tenth of one percent of the American population. Now 80% of America has a high school diploma, but only 24.4% have a BA. So lets take off another 24.4%. Subtract 19,193 women off the list making the new WONDERFUL prospects for dating 59,467.
I have had a great many friends who are of alternative lifestyles. Gay or lesbian they are fantastic people to be friends with, but that does not mean they are going to be dating a heterosexual male. How many women in America are lesbians you might ask? Well, according to the U.S. Census, 4.25%. 56,940 is now the golden number.
As if to add insult to injury, I went back to look at my basic criteria. You remember I said that I like taller women? Well 70 inches is pretty tall so I subtracted a few inches and made it 66. That's 5 feet 6 inches tall. It's a damn good thing I did because, according to the statistics for the average height of a woman, 80% fall below that height. Even with a conservative 4 inch subtraction, I now have 11,388 people who have the MINIMUM requirements. That's 1/3 of the population of Watertown, New York.
Now I know I allowed the ages from 18 to 65, but I did a little digging into relationship statistics and found that regardless of my desire to include such a wide range of ages, that women, by and large, tend to NOT date below their own age, nor do they date higher than 10 years above.. How many is that you might ask? How about an astounding 93% of the remaining women with the minimum criteria. This almost makes me want to join a convent. There are now 797.Jesus Christ, I had more people in my graduating class in high school.
This is without even getting into the basic nitty gritty parts of a relationship that can't be quantified. It's these other parts that are found AFTER the basics are met, and finding them out in another person relies heavily on whether or not you are comfortable with them enough to even begin. Welcome to the necessity of basic criteria. The combination of those two parts is what makes that woman across the table from you become a PART of you, but you can't come to one without the other first. I totally believe in recognizing "love at first sight", but that spark has to exist FIRST before I ever attempt to touch the match to it.
This whole little exercise is a bit frustrating because it does not take into account any level of sexual compatibility, or compassion, no amount of trust, or any degree of appreciation for a person's sense of humor. There are SO MANY things that have to happen AFTER two people meet to make all the statistics look like child's play.
Remember when I said that 1 in 10 found me interesting enough to date? Well, I have found that my personality is not usually perceived as "normally male". Well NO SHIT. That's why I can bring a little more to a relationship because I can get past that testosterone soaked bullshit and actually expend the energy looking at a woman I love rather than sports stats and beer. Regardless of how I feel about it though, only 1 in 10 last longer than three dates. I suppose this would be FANTASTIC for a man who could give a shit whether he pleases a woman longer than that or not, but I want a serious relationship. So, knowing this about myself and knowing that my personal experience lends just as much to my dating as statistics. I now have 79.7 people to date. I am assuming that I will count the .7 woman, but .7 of WHAT? It can't be her height. .7 female? .7 white? Maybe she will be semi-opaque. No wait. Maybe it's just a handicap. Like a woman with a missing arm. I can date her. Right? 79.7 people.....from 300 MILLION. Want to feel a little more depressed? I found this on a web page while looking for statistics on American dating.
" A good percentage of the mature adult single women that I know have no intentions or designs on getting married again. They have found that there is no real reason to get married again. The scope of their life has expanded so much as a single that they can't see how they would ever want to get back to where they used to be."
And
"...their life has expanded so much as a single that they can't see how they would ever want to go back to where they used to be".
How do you argue with something like that? According to the article there is a "good Percentage". Now I am not going to try and quantify something with an arbitrary number, but I'll let you decide what good is and then you do the last bit of math.
No screw that. I AM going to do it. Let's just say, being as CONSERVATIVE as possible with the word "good" that that means 25%. I'm sure that if your kid came home and said he got a "GOOD" percentage of a spelling test that it would be MUCH higher than a 25%, but I am giving the benefit of the doubt. So 25% of the remaining women who COULD date but choose not to brings me down to 59.7.
I just can't seem to bring myself to removing that .7 of a woman, but at this point, I better not even entertain the possibility. I am going to stop here because I am about ready to cry. I look at the MASSES of people who are living with some of the most INCREDIBLY caustic, asshole, antisocial, controlling,manipulative,apathetic,uncaring,vacuous,egotistical,self righteous, calculating scumbags and all I can ask is......"Why?".
59 people. My God. Let me tell you something. If you were the greatest fisherman in the history of the world, with the most fantastic boat and the skill of a GOD, you would not be able to ply your ship into the "Sea of Opportunity" and find 59 fish.
I am separating from a woman who I thought actually HAD these qualities, but let me tell you something. Even after fulfilling almost every initial criteria, I found myself with a woman who has very little interest in what I feel about the world anymore, hasn't read a single page I have ever written, has never just sat down to hear my hopes and fears, and basically sees me as the "go to" guy when no one else will pick up the slack...or the mess. She no longer sees the world as an adventure, and any plan for the future has me assigned as an afterthought to her wants. Compassion is unneeded. Compatibility is irrelevant. Compromise is unnecessary. The absolute absurdity of all of this is that most people think of people and relationships like so many herring. And maybe that's because that's all people will ever thing of others. Like herring. Well I, myself, am not looking for fish in abundance.