STEAM LOCOMOTIVE

People are like steam locomotives when it comes to how we react to others around us. Steam locomotives are massive machines of potential power, and capable of unbelievable accomplishments. We would like to think the people we put the energy into would understand this potential and regard our feelings and thoughts to be worth it in their lives as we believe they should be. And rightfully so. Why else would they feel the need to keep something as powerful and useful to them as a steam locomotive if they did not have the need for it in the first place? But so very often we are left to feel as though, regardless of the limitless desire to carry the burdens like so much cargo, that it is not up to us to move the train. We are required to have the ability, have the fuel and the water, put the load onto the cars, and then simply wait until they feel the need to employ us. And that just isn't the purpose of the train. Potential without use results in the same thing as no potential and no use. A perfectly capable train and a load with no place to go.
Just in case anyone doesn't really understand how a steam locomotive works, I'll give you a very short explanation. Basically there is a furnace that heats water into steam. The steam builds under pressure in a boiler with enough energy to push the pistons through the cylinders and out onto the axles of the wheels. With each injection of steam, the massive wheels churn forward until it reaches the end of the piston stroke and chuffs out the remaining steam. Don't forget to blow the whistle for the thanks of a beautiful machine.
The primary component of all of this is pressure. It HAS GOT to be released in one way or another after heat has been put to the coals. Without a way of releasing this pressure through the internal workings of the machine for work, or a pressure relief valve, the boilers would simply blow apart. You can not stop it. You will not stop it. That is the reality. Either make the train move, or release the steam.
Steam engines, again as with people, are beautiful when they are treated well, and dangerous when they are not. After all, we are dealing with properties of immense heat, unbelievable amounts of pressure, and tons of steel. And people are no different except that they are powered with a sense of belonging, and recognition. It is a venture that requires a serious diligence to its care and function and results in epic catastrophes by neglect. Recognize its potential and they will be rewarded with what you can do for them. Ignore it and you will be left with with one of two things. Either a load not carried by a willing train, or a destroyed train with no hope of carrying anything for anyone, including themselves.
The things that are important in our lives and give impetus to our relationships, are like the components use to power a steam locomotive. Wood and fire. Water and steam. Think of these as the forces of passion, desire, purpose, and will in our relationships. Properly utilized for what they can do, they direct and mold our ideas and feelings, our thoughts and convictions, into action. They give a sense of value and worth to ourselves and at the same time reassures others that we have what it takes to carry our fair share of precious cargo over terrain that would be impossible without it.
But when we are left to ourselves with no input from who it is we feel should care, we are simply a big boiler on the tracks of our lives. We have ourselves stoked with all of the things that fuel the fires of good intentions, and we expect others to appreciate it and use it as we know we can. But intention without the need to have us express it, simply builds pressure. Allow us to expend that pressure to work and we will, but leave us with absolutely no outlet for what it is we are designed to do, and we simply build and build pressure until the bolts that hold us together threaten to blow us apart. And when that happens, and it WILL happen, we assume the responsibility of the blown boiler as a failing in ourselves, rather than due to neglect of person we did it for. So very often, we ride the line between expecting ourselves to not look like bad little trains and just wait until they are ready to need us, or we finally burst the bolts of the boiler and explode. Perhaps the worst feeling is to be expected to hold it all together judging the worth of our entire train on the durability of strained boilers left unattended. team locomotive boilers explode and fail all the time, but no one accepts the failure of the train before questioning who did it in the first place. But since we assume the failure in ourselves outright, why even look elsewhere. In any case, a bad little train.
Some of the most loved and amazing people in my life are coming to startling realizations about themselves and those around them. Quite often, they, and myself included,are left feeling as though what we are experiencing is wrong. Even worse is our perception that it doesn't matter what we think or feel, just so long as we are left to feel responsible for someone else unwilling to utilize it. It is the rationalization of condition by the belief that we are unable to affect change. Want to see the definition of defeat? Know that change is required of someone else, by being led to believe that you should be the one to affect it.
I don't want this to sound as though I am standing on my soapbox and that this has never happened to me. It DID happen to me. and the frustration and resigned defeat that I learned from it was, and at times still is, one of the most debilitating feelings I have ever known. It didn't matter what it was that I was trying to say, or how absolutely true it was, I went at conversations about ready to explode with conviction and intent. There was this MASSIVE well of potential for change that I knew I was going to direct what I was feeling and how I was living. That my rationalization was correct, that my points were true, and that I was justified in what I expected. To put it back into perspective, I was a steam engine ready to do what needed to happen one way or the other. I had been left to stew and broil until either the train would MOVE or I would explode. And I am not the one to allow something to blow my own boilers. So into these discussions and confrontations I went. They started out with me being very aware of the force I could project with the things I would say. As I got moving, more and more would come out. It was not angry but neither was I going to withhold anything, either. As far as their content was concerned, they were fair and correct; exacting as a surgeons knife. They were concise and to the point, true and factual in their logic, and the emotions I needed to have were important. Most of all, the whole issue was out there. I KNEW something would be done with it. When these explosions of intent were all said and done with, I really expected completely different outcomes. I expected to be understood. It was returned with silence. I was expecting some kind of exchange of ideas. Instead, I was met with a look of exasperation. I expected a true inspection of the facts and instead I was met with a specific example that was supposed to imply a failure of the generality. And most of all, the feelings and emotions that I had as a result of not getting the ones I wanted.
What the hell happened? How is it that this kept happening over and over and over? How was it that every conversation about what I was feeling left me feeling drained and weak and impotent? It took me a long time to figure this out, but when I did it made me understand how incredibly stupid I was to have not noticed it before. How incredibly effective it is for someone else to do this without me ever realizing how it was happening. And the main reason was that I was being CONDITIONED to feel this way because it did exactly what they wanted to occur without them having to do a single thing about it. They simply redirected the force of the argument into a place where I would expend the energy without realizing I had done it. Perfect. Flawless. And I NEVER saw it coming. They punched the valve that released the steam. And when everything was said and done I had nothing left. My real anger, however, came from my understanding that what I felt was not as important to them as how quickly they were willing to simply redirect the steam.
The difference between what was expected to happen and what occurred was not due to a lack of intention on my part. It happened because solution, and how they expected us to perceive it. We wanted work, and they wanted us to expend the energy to a place they didn't have to deal with it. This is the difference between "venting" and "blowing off steam". Most people simply don't want us to see the difference. But they do it because it is useful to them and it works. For them. Don't delude yourself by believing this as an unconscious act. ANYONE who feels the discomfort of being on the wrong end of a good point also understands the fact that it was felt by the person stating it. They allow us to "vent" our feelings. We are allowed to stand there and rail and get mad and blabber away about feelings and intentions, about or lack of thanks and gratitude. And somehow we are supposed to feel good about this by recognizing that they are sitting there patiently allowing us to "let it all out". Of COURSE they look understanding. But while we are feeling bad for having a temper and a desire to throw plates and dishes and slam kittens heads into car doors, we NEVER notice that they are leaning on the pressure relief valve. As though they thought our primary need in our life was to just make steam for it's own sake, and that the only responsibility they have to us is to make us feel as though they are so good at accommodating us by blowing it right out the top of a situation. They key to understanding ourselves as locomotives, and to stop feeling as though we are the ones who are incapable, is to stop for just a second and look at what that word locomotive really means. Its Latin for "MOVES BY ITSELF"!!
Understand that we, ourselves, are the engineers of our own steam locomotive. And that WE have the full right and ability to decide for ourselves where the steam we generate is going to be applied. Anyone else, regardless of how they feel about it, are simply passengers. Do we adjust OUR valves to move the pistons through the cylinders to move our individual train, or do we allow someone else to simply vent the steam, decrease the pressure, and leave the train sitting right where it was?
I'd like to mention here that people who operate REAL trains , would never confuse the difference between venting steam, and MOVING a train. To believe that all we need to do is release the pressure in order to have us feel better and fix the problem has COMPLETELY ignored the intention of the machine in the first place. It is our desire to have the fire of our engines, and steam and pressure in the boilers, directed to movement, but we don't get that when we have heated conversations about what we feel. We do not get growth or understanding or compassion when in order to alleviate the responsibility,they simply flip the valve of usable steam, and vent it RIGHT OUT THE TOP.
So we sit on the tracks again. Fully capable, fully provided with the wood and the water, and going absolutely nowhere because someone hasn't got a clue or a need to make our train go anywhere other than where it is right now. That's why it is where it is NOW. And why should they? It is obvious to them that there is plenty of energy to be had at their disposal. So why do anything but flip the valve when it isn't needed by them?
It is our sense of duty to provide the vehicle capable for change, but it is NOT our responsibility of us to assume the lack of direction because someone else didn't climb into the seat and, instead, leaned on the valve.
It is your train. It is your life. Do not question the abilities of your train. Do not question what you use to fuel it. Do not question the mechanics of the machine. Do not underestimate the potential of it to do exactly what is capable or intended to do. But take careful note of where the pressure is being directed and why. That is the difference between those who want you as the train you are rather than the potential you can be when they feel it is necessary.